


The batman Batcat or Results of an Antidote

by Nobodythehope



Category: Batman - All Media Types, The Batman (Cartoon 2004)
Genre: F/M, Family, Humor, why batman does not drink, why catwoman in the batman does not drink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:14:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26889460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nobodythehope/pseuds/Nobodythehope
Summary: On one of Batman routine 'Dates' with Catwoman, the pair are ambushed by Poison Ivy and Harly Quin were they are hit with Ivy's toxic spores. Fortunately, Batman has an antidote for the Toxin, unfortunately, it has side effects. This is why Playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne and Animal rights socialite Selina Kyle do not drink.
Relationships: Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson, Batman/Catwoman, Clark Kent/Lois Lane, Robin/Batgirl, Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	1. A cat, A bat, and an antidote

**Author's Note:**

> I got This idea after reading both Let Steeple Bells Be Swungen by Merixcil and The Banks of All Reason by audreycritter, well watching some episodes of The Batman and the idea came to me. I view the batman starting during year two I going to have batman at age 30 with Catwoman at age 29.

Chapter one: A cat, A bat, and an antidote

A tall dark-haired and handsome man is sitting in front of a massive quantum computer. This man stands at six feet two inches tall, with sullen blue eyes and a massive frame built strong. His well-defined and large muscles putting many bodybuilders to shame. This is Bruce Wayne airheaded billionaire CEO of Wayne Enterprises by day, but by night he is the World’s Greatest Detective and the greatest vigilante crimefighter in the world Batman. The man is sitting on a massive and comfortable steel throne within a cave. When the computer screen lights up with the bat emblem.

“What is it, Master Bruce?” An older man with a British accent asks. The voice comes from a tall lean man standing an even six feet, dressed in a formal tailcoated tuxedo. He has blue eyes and what hair he had left was gray along with his neatly trimmed mustache.

“A silent alarm was tripped at the Gotham Museum of Art…it’s Saturday night and I know who it is, Let Dick and Babs keep studying they both have a physics test on Monday,” Bruce says as he goes to a sealed locker and pulls out his work clothes, also known as the batsuit.

“Sir you should really ether give her an easier way to contact you or an engagement ring,” Alfred says with a small smile.

“Are you trying to set me up with a criminal Alfred?” Bruce says as he puts on the batsuit.

“At this point, I would set you up with a chimpanzee if it made you as happy as she does. Besides, you have known the Princess of Plunder for 3 years now, meeting up at least once a month up to the Rumor case. For the last year, you two meet up every Saturday like clockwork. You chase her knowing she does not have any stolen goods, then the two of you spend at least an hour ‘fighting’ not to mention the charges for take-out.” Alfred says with a hint of amusement in his stoic voice a small smile on his face.

“I do not know what you're talking about Alfred,” Batman says as he jumps into the batmobile.

30 minutes later Gotham Museum of History…

On top of the Museum is a woman dressed in a suit that made her resemble a cat with large ears and stylish orange goggles over her eyes. She is five foot five inches tall1 with a body that made men drool over. She has reasonably large breasts that were enough to hold a man’s attention should she desire it, long toned legs, plump lips, however the best feature in her eyes was her large rump. 

This woman is Catwoman and well short, she is one of the greatest martial artists on the planet, master of the whip, master thief, gymnast, and Vigilante. She protected the working girls of the East End and funds her operation with the profits she gained from her thefts. She had a feeling a certain bat knew the last fact and that was why he did not chase her as hard as the others of the costumed crowd.

She was doing some last-minute stretching in preparation for her ‘date.’ Knowing were the man would soon land she turns around, spreads her legs well sticking her out her butt as she bends down to touch her toes.

“Meow, be honest Bat you know you’re enjoying the view,” Catwoman tells the shadows looking between her legs with a seductive smirk.

“I’ll enjoy it even better when its framed by prison bars Cat,” Batman says with a small grin only ever seen by Catwoman.

“What a Kinky fetish you have Bat…however, you have to catch this naughty kitty first,” Catwoman says in a flirty voice as she takes off jumping off the side of the building her whip-cracking to grab a nearby streetlamp and the chase was on.

After an hour-long chase, Batman and Catwoman settle on their preferred sparing ground an old abandoned tenement building bathed the light of the full moon. However, two figures were watching from the shadows. One was a red-headed woman with light green skin, wearing a green one-piece outfit that resembled a bathing suit made from leaves. the other was a woman dressed up as a court jester. Both these women were just as beautiful as Catwoman. 

This pair had been watching Batman and Catwoman’s weekly meetings for the last two months and knew the two always ended up on this roof. They had a plan that required the Dark Knight out of the way for at least a day. The two had been waiting till there prey had become engrossed in there flirting threw violence.

“Finally, we’s can gets back at Mista J.” The jester whispers to the redhead who nods back. The two spring from the shadows rushing the pair.

“Haya Mista B and Kitty Cat we need ya out of the ways for a little whiles so here’s a gift from me to you.” The jester yells as she throws down a flashbang which temporarily incapacitated the fighting pair.

“And here’s some poison to keep you two down.” The redhead yells as she blows on her left hand sending a cloud of green spores at them. They then run to the edge of the roof and jump off.

“Oh fuck.” Batman says as he comes too and grabs Catwoman around the waist before she can take off after the other two women.

“I am going to claw those two to tatters how dare they interfere with date night; all the criminals know not to interfere with date night.” Catwoman screeches as she claws at the air in batman’s grasp.

“How far away is your place Catwoman?” Batman asks as he presses a button on his belt to call the batmobile. ‘Hmm, she always smells nice like lavender, leather, and sweat.’ Batman privately thinks to himself.

“That’s awful forward of you, I like you a lot bat, but I am not quite ready to share my secret identity with you,” Catwoman says as she goes limp in his arms and starts pressing her glorious rump to his crotch. This action normally worked to fluster the cutie when he managed to get a good hold on her allowing her to wiggle free. However, this time he did not let her go and she enjoyed the feel of his powerful lower body against her ass. Sure, Catwoman wanted to have a normal relationship with whoever was behind the cowl, but she was also still not sure if he would turn her in yet. Catwoman freezes when she hears what Batman says next.

“Well my place is too far away and given we are not doing Ivy’s bidding right now that means she did not hit us with her mind control spores. She hit us with her toxic spores. We will not be able to think clearly in ten minutes and will be dead in an hour if I did not have an antidote. However, the antidote has some side effects and we will be behaving like we are drunk, high as a kite, and like we just took amphetamines at the same time. So, we will be awake for a long time. We will also unfortunately be remembering every dumb thing we do under its effects. Unfortunately, we are going to have one hell of a hangover. The last time I had to use it I wound up driving threw three condemned buildings and two warehouses…in Metropolis well laughing my ass off after taking the car off autopilot. Superman wound up just grabbing the Batmobile and flying it back home. Then he had to hover for four hours holding me by the back of my suit. Look I’ll share my identity with you if you share yours with me and I will not turn you in unless I manage to catch you stealing something.” Batman says wincing at the memory. However, after researching her for years, he trusted Catwoman enough to tell her who he was.

“I live two minutes away but, Hansom I am driving,” Catwoman says slumping in defeat as she hears the roar of the batmobile’s engine. Batman reluctantly let her go as he reaches up to his cowl and hits a hidden button.

“Fine. Penny-one this is Batman, Catwoman, and I were ambushed by Poison Ivy and Harley Quin. Ivy got us with her toxic spores, so I am heading to Catwoman’s place to weather what comes next. She will be learning who we are. Leave the kids to study and do not alert them unless bat wave states there is a crime. I will tell them when I get home, now I am turning off comms for the night.” Batman says as the batmobile arrives at their location. 

The two jump off the roof and land in the vehicle as the door shuts as after they land inside. Batman landing in the passenger seat reaches over and hits a button on the console that appears to do nothing. He then opens the glove box and pulls out a four-pack of self-sterilizing injector pens marked Antidote to Ivy toxin. Catwoman lowers her goggles around her neck.

“We pull off are cowls on three,” Catwoman says aggravatedly.

“Deal. One…Two…Three.” Batman says as he pulls out one of the injector pens and counts down. As a thief, Catwoman was a woman of her word so when Batman hit three, she pulls back her cowl hoping Batman would not know who she was.

“Selina Kyle, your Catwoman!” Batman says astonished at the dark-haired green-eyed2 woman…before he jams the pen into Selina’s exposed neck way harder than he intended. Selina feels pain then feels a spray of something before she feels the needle and injection.

“Hiss…AIR HEADED BRUCE FUCKING WAYNE IS BATMAN, GIVE ME THAT!!!!” Selina hisses just like a cat, yelling in shock at seeing who batman’s secret identity is. She grabs one of the pens and in retaliation jams it into Bruce’s neck just as hard as he did to her. Both would have bruises for the next couple of days.

“Gerrr sorry about that.” Bruce actually grunts in pain from Selina’s action. Once the pen is emptied the woman throws it to the floor.

“What did that button do?” Selina asks as she puts the car in gear and floors it, unable to keep the smile off her face at being able to drive the new batmobile.

“Fogged up the windshield so that we can see out, but no one can see in. I added the feature after we were handcuffed together by the Penguin.” Bruce says with a smile.

“Smart idea. Your airheaded playboy routine is an act isn’t it?” Selina asks with a bit of her characteristic sass in her voice.

“Yes, but that’s a secrete so do not tell anyone else as it would ruin my reputation,” Bruce says with the small smile only Catwoman ever sees. Selina just grins her Cheshire grin at him.

“Were here, given I am in my catsuit and you’re in the bat suit I parked in the alley behind my apartment. You’re going to have to grapple us up as I have a doorman. Do you have a change of clothes as your way too big to fit in anything of mine?” Catwoman says as she pulls up behind her building and pulls her cowl back on. Bruce looks insulted as he pulls his back on.

“I am Batman!” Batman says and despite not raising or changing his tone of voice, Catwoman can hear the exclamation point. He then reaches over and hits a button on the dash and Catwoman hears a hiss from the back seat. She looks back and sees a duffle bag slide out of an unseen compartment.

“I am prepared for anything. We only have five minutes of lucidity left so we better hurry.” He says with a smile as he grabs the bag. Catwoman just rolls her green eyes with a smile. The two then hop out of the batmobile and Catwoman leads them to the right side of the building as batman sends the batmobile home.

“Top floor is all mine, but the balcony is only on this side as it has the best view.” Catwoman says as she points at the balcony of her penthouse. Batman wraps an arm around Catwoman’s waist, and she wraps her arms around his neck and enjoys the excuse to cuddle up to Her Batman. She just wished the ride was slower.

“We have four minutes of lucidly left so we better change fast. Do you have somewhere we can hide the suits?” Catwoman just presses a specific spot in the wall as she heads to her bedroom and her secret workshop appears. 

That is when her here three cats showed themselves. The large two-foot-long blue-eyed light gray cat batman was certain was male given its size. It also glared at him ready to pounce and claw and bite him if he did something he did not like. The other two were smaller than the male with the second-largest cat being an orange cat with a small cream-colored spot on her head and a larger one on her back, she had one blue eye that matched the males and a green eye that matched the other cats. The last cat was a black cat with dark green eyes and seemed to be both fearless and smirking at him in a manner like her owner. Batman felt the Orange and cream-colored cat had to be the daughter of the other two.

The two female cats fallowed Catwoman too what Batman guessed was her bedroom, however, the male stayed with him. Batman got the feeling even though he was still glaring at him he wanted to bond with a fellow male that seemed to enjoy a similar hobby as its owner. 

As it began grooming itself Batman could tell the cat had been fixed. He gently reached over and scratched its chin for a few seconds before quickly stripping off his costume and headed to the bathroom. He pulled out a clean pair of boxer briefs, a pair of old blue Levi jeans, and a short black sleeve shirt from his duffle bag. By the time he had changed out of his sweaty clothes, the antidote kicked in.

Wayne manner 10 am the next day

Two teens looking like zombies walk out of one of the bedrooms of the massive manner, each clutching their smartphone in their hand. One is a very handsome and fit dark-haired, a green-eyed boy standing at five feet five inches tall and looking to be about sixteen. The boy is dressed in a black pair of sweatpants and a lose red tang top showing his well-defined musculature. The other is a stunningly beautiful and very fit redhead, a blue-eyed teenage girl of about seventeen. She stands at about five foot, four inches tall, and is dressed in one of the boy’s blue silk button-up dress shirts and a small pair of black shorts. She had been ecstatic when her boyfriend of a year finally grew taller than her. The two teens slowly shuffled to the kitchen were the smell of food and the ambrosia known as coffee was leading them to.

Sitting in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee and chanting with Alfred was an older blue-eyed mustachioed red head man with gray hair at his temples and a pair of glasses on his face. He is wearing a white long sleeve button-up and a pair of tan slacks. Seeing the two tired teens stumbling into the kitchen he spoke up.

“I trust you used protection last night Dick or do I need to break out my shotgun.” The man laughed when both teens jump with near-matching high pitched shrieks.

“Yes, we did use protection Commissioner Gordan, Sir.” A Terrified Dick says before realizing what he said and he promptly hid behind his girlfriend. The teenage boy’s identity being revealed as Richard ‘Dick’ Grayson ward of Bruce Wayne and the older man’s identity was revealed to be that of James Gordan the current commissioner of the Gotham City Police Department.

“That’s none of your business Dad. And what are you doing here.” The girl shrieked with a glare. This is Barbara ‘Babs’ Gordan.

“I came for breakfast. I am your dad, you are not eighteen for another year Barbara2 and Dick will not be for another two so it is my business who you sleep with. However, if I did not trust Dick with you, I would not let you stay over so often Bat girl.” Gordan said with a smirk.

“How do…I mean I do not know what you’re talking about,” Babs says with a fearful look in her eyes.

“Relax Barbara the Bruce told me the same night you started your internship,” Gordan says with a smile.

The two teens just sit at the table, they would think about what Babs's father said once they had their coffee in them. Alfred set a purple mug of black coffee with 6 sugars in front of Babs well setting a Red and black mug in front of Dick his having cream and one sugar in it. Taking a sip of his coffee Dick looks at his phone and sees that Bruce sent him a few texts.

“Alfred who is Selina Kyle, Bruce sent me a text with her…oh wait this is for you…why would Bruce text me a message for you?” Dick says as he opens his phone to see the first text Bruce sent last night and sees Alfred’s name instead of his.

“Both Master Bruce and Miss Kyle were hit by Miss Ivy’s toxic spores last night. I trust you remember what happened last time Master Bruce was hit with them, not to mention what happened when the two of you were hit by them.” Alfred states as he sets down plates stacked with several kinds of pancakes, sausages, and bacon. Alfred smiles as he sees the two teens blush. After all, it was thanks to the toxin that the two teens had started dating. Alfred proceeded to take the phone from Dick and read the messages.

Alfred, I need you to go to Gotham Panther apartments penthouse to feed Catwoman’s cats tomorrow. She is out of cat food; we need to go out of town for a bit so we can have sex.

A picture of the large gray cat  
This is Osiris 

A picture of the black cat  
This is Isis

A picture of the cream and orange cat  
This is their daughter Bast.

Picture of Selina Kyles driver’s license.  
Show this to the doorman and he will let you in

Alfred had a bad feeling reading this message and pulls out his own phone and rings his wards phone. It takes a second call for him to pick up. Given how bad he had heard the hangovers from the antidot to ivy’s toxin was not surprised it took two calls for his son in all but name to pick up.

“Master Bruce you messaged Young Master Dick last night with a message meant for me. I was quite alarmed by its content and am calling to ascertain where you are currently located.” Alfred askes the phone as the other occupants in the room watch as they eat.

“I see master Bruce; I will inform Master dick and Miss Barbara. I will send the jet to get you in a week. Do try to relax and have fun with the lady Master Bruce. Also, what brand of food do the cats eat shell I bring the cats to the manner?... It is your job to help her pack her things, however, I will grab your suits and prepare a place for hers. If it is not up to the safety standers of the family, I shall have Lucius, make her a new one.” Alfred says before hanging up the phone.

“So, where is Bruce?” Dick asks as he takes a bite of a chocolate chip pancake.

“Master Bruce is in Los Vegas with the new Mrs. Wayne. They have decided to stay a week as an impromptu honeymoon well they work out the particulars of their marriage as you Master Dick may be becoming a big brother in nine months. I was afraid this may have happened when I read the message. Instead of running to the market to get condoms, the two thought it would be easier to just elope to solve the issue of the lack of contraceptives. We will be picking up cat food for the Former Miss Kyles cats after breakfast and move them in into the manner.” Alfred delivers in his classic stoic deadpan voice.

At the table Babs does a perfect spit take of hot coffee into her boyfriend’s face, Dick begins choking on a piece of his pancake at the news and Gordan moves to give his daughter's boyfriend the Heimlich maneuver. Dick’s inhaled piece of pancake hits his girlfriend dead center in the forehead. Both teens erupt into coughing fits.

“Nice to see Bruce may not end up being a lonely bitter old man in the future. If anyone can get that man to loosen up a bit it got to be Catwoman, and if anyone can get her to at least cut down on stealing it’s Bruce.” Gordan says as he sits back down.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY.” Both teens screech once they recover.

“Language,” Alfred says.

To be continued.


	2. Chapter two The Results of the Antidote

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce and Selina wake up in Los Vegas and meet up with some old friends.

A hotel in Loss Vegas, Nevada 10:30 AM

Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle were doing something they have not done since they were children…they were sleeping peacefully on the edge of a California king bed wrapped up in a cocoon of blankets. Bruce was laying on his back with his arms wrapped around Selina’s waist, well Selina was snuggling into Bruce’s scared up chest and lightly drooling on it. That is when The Devil made its presents known. 

“banananananananna ananannananananan bananananannanananananananananananana bananana…1” The loud noise from his w-phone woke the peacefully sleeping pair to the hell of the worst hangover ever felt. 

“ghaaa hiss, aahhh…Turn that fucking thing off I thought you turned off your alarm before we started fucking.” Selina hisses in pain as she tries to spring off Bruce like the angry cat she is before shrieking as they fall off the bed.

“grunt oof Did.” Bruce grows in pain. Bruce instinctively managed to roll them so he landed on the ground Selina’s Lilith form landing on top of him and knocked some of the wind out of him. The two then wound up getting more tangled up in the duvet they were wrapped up in. By the time Bruce managed to free his right arm the noise thankfully stopped on its own.

“Oh thank god…Fucking A where is that noise coming from,” Selina says at first happy as her pounding head was no longer being assaulted with the catchy tune then said catchy tune starts playing again. Fortunately, it is quickly cut off when Bruce reaches up and without looking answers the phone and puts it on speaker. He also turned down the volume on the speaker to spare their aching heads.

“Hello, Alfred what is it,” Bruce says into the air before Selina kisses the claw mark’s on Bruce’s chest, marks she gave the bat during their second meeting as thank you for making the loud noise go away. She then simply snuggles back into his warm chest. Alfred can hear the pain in his wards voice something no one else could detect. Bruce puts his freed arm back around the woman's waist and holds her tighter.

“Master Bruce you messaged Young Master Dick last night with a message meant for me. I was quite alarmed by its content and am calling to ascertain where you are currently located.” Alfred states into the phone.

“Los Vegas, Nevada in the honeymoon suite of the Excalibur, with the new Mrs. Wayne. You know I do not drink because I get extremely stupid when I get drunk, and the former Miss Selina Kyle aka Catwoman is the same way. We got the idea in our head that since it was a risky day for Selina it was easier to elope then it would be to buy a pack of condoms, and I happen to own a stealth jet that can get us from Gotham to Vegas in just fifteen minutes with autopilot.” Selina just nods yes into Bruce’s bare chest when she hears Bruce mention how she is when drunk as she could not argue against it, her best friend had too much evidence to contradict the statement from their college days.

“We decided to spend the week down here as a honeymoon, I have confidence that Dick and Barbara can handle Gotham, so unless Joker turns up, we will be staying down here. Plus, we need time to discuss the boundaries of our marriage regarding our nighttime hobbies. Make sure Dick and Barbra keep an eye on the girls of the East End this Friday and Saturday as the gorgeous and sexy Catwoman will not be there to do it herself.” Bruce states with a flirtatious grin directed at Selina.

“I like it when you compliment me Bat.” Selina lightly purrs as she looks up at him with a pleased smile.

“I see master Bruce; I will inform Master Dick and Miss Barbara. I will send the jet to get you in a week. Do try to relax and have fun with the lady Master Bruce. Also, what brand of food do the cats eat shell I just bring the cats to the manner?” Alfred inquires.

“Yes move them in, I will be moving into the manner when we get back up so you might as well just bring them there so they can get used to the new environment. Isis and Osiris both Eat Pedigree cat food for older cats, well Bast eats normal Pedigree cat food2. I prefer to leave out 3/4ths of a cup a day in each of their bowls. Osiris prefers to eat in high elevations well Isis and Bast prefer to eat on the floor. Do not use tap water for their water feeder. Use bottled or filtered water. Wash the dish once the feeder is empty before replacing it as Bast tends to leave food particles in after eating. Their carriers are in the coat closet. Osiris’s carrier is the blue one, Isis is the pink one and Bast’s is the purple one.” Selina says softly before she closes her eyes and snuggles back into Bruce’s chest. In her opinion, her head hurt too much to keep her eyes open.

“Could you also pack up Selina’s stuff?” Bruce asks his butler with a hopeful sounding voice, Bruce hated packing up things.

“It is your job to help her pack her things, however, I will grab your suits and prepare a place for hers. If it is not up to the safety standers of the family, I shall have Lucius, make her a new one.” Alfred says in his chiding voice.

“The blank wall is false push hard a foot from the right corner to open it. We stashed our suits in there. My suit does not offer a lot of protection so it could use some upgrades. However, make sure it’s still nice and flexible, and that the pants, top, and cowl are separate pieces. the suit needs to be as black as the Knight. Now please hang up if there is nothing else you need Mr. Pennyworth my head is killing me.” Selina informs the old gentlemen with a small smile. The kind old man hangs up now that he had the required information. The two let out a grown of relief when the call disconnects.

“Do you want to try to go back to sleep or go seek out a shower, Tylenol, coffee, and breakfast?” Bruce asks his new wife after a few minutes. That is when Selina’s tummy roars and Bruce’s stomach growls.

“As much as I want to just try to go back to sleep, my tummy disagrees. This Pussycat wants to get cleaned up, she also requires Tylenol, coffee, and food dear bat-husband.” Selina grumbles into Bruce’s chest.

“Well, then cat-wife let's get untangled from this duvet,” Bruce says with a mischievous smile. He then holds her tight with his unexposed arm and lifts them both up into a one-handed handstand, despite the pain in her head Catwoman was impressed with his upper body strength and her mischievous streak kicked in. Secure in his grip she unwrapped the duvet from around them. 

When the duvet hit the ground, she then used her husband as a springboard launching herself with a flip onto the bed. Her bare-naked husband fell back on the floor. Both grabbed their heads in pain. Bruce sat up and admired his new wife's glorious ass in its natural state.

“The full moon has nothing on your ass,” Bruce says with a smile.

“Good boy keep those compliments coming. You can join me in the shower; however, my head hurts too much to fuck you, so you can wash the glory that is my ass and I will wash your back.” Selina says with a bit of pained sass in her voice and a playful smile on her face. She walks over to the bags they had brought with them and opening her purple day trip bag she pulls out her toiletries noticing she only packed one change of clothes. They would need to go shopping later.

“Sounds like a plan to me…now where is the bathroom?” Bruce says as he looks around the large suite. Selina admires the man’s well-sculpted body, his Batarang matching the proportions of his body and she could not help but wonder how he had fit the entire thing in her last night.

A 9:30 Am In another suite one floor down.

A beautiful woman with long black hair was snuggling into the chest of her boyfriend of a year. The man was handsome and had short black hair currently messy from bed head and last night’s activities, his blue eyes watching her sleep. With a light moan, the woman woke up her own blue eyes slowly blink open.

“Good morning Lois, sleep well?” The man asks with a smile. Well, he did not require sleep he enjoyed sleeping especially with this woman in his arms. The woman is Lois lane the beautiful petite ace reporter of the Daily Planet.

“Moring Smallville, hmm let's grab a shower and get something to eat. You really made me work up an appetite last night.” Lois says with a naughty smile. The man is Clark Kent, award-winning novelist, and the other Ace reporter for the same newspaper. However, he was better known as Superman: The Man of Tomorrow and The Man of Steel.

The two came to Vegas last week as guest lectures to the University of Nevada’s journalism class. However, they had taken off two weeks so that they could spend some time together off the job and out of Metropolis. Clark had entrusted his city to his cousin Kara Zor-El, her best friend, and her mentor. Kara’s ship crashed landed last year in Gotham bay where she was found by Batman. She had lived on Themyscira for six months well learning to control her powers and was now adapting to the new world. She is living with Diana Prince aka Wonder Woman who took over the now 15-year-old's guardianship Kara also took the last name of Prince for herself. 

The two are currently living in a small town in Nebraska called Blue Valley where Diana had moved them to make sure Kara would be less likely to be caught using her powers. Diana had taken to mentoring a few other young hero’s living in the town. One being Kara’s best friend the new Stargirl Courtney Whitmore, the second wildcat Yolanda Montez, the new Hourman Richard Tyler, Jade who had the power to create green hard light holograms. She is the daughter of the first of Earth’s heroes to hold the name green lantern, Allen Scott. She is also mentoring the new doctor Mid-night Elizabeth Chapel. Diana is being aided in her mentoring efforts by Courtney’s stepfather Pat Dugan the pilot of the robot S.T.R.I.P and was the form Starman’s sidekick Stripesy. 

However, Kara and Courtney are both big-city girls wanted to get out of the small town for a few weeks as it was currently their summer break. So, Diana, Kara, and Courtney were house-sitting for the couple's apartment, and watching over Metropolis for Superman so he could have some time off.

“You can have the first shower.” Clark politely says with a smile.

“I said Let's take a shower Smallville,” Lois says her naughty smile never leaving her face. The fit woman born rolls out of bed naked as the day she was born and heads into the suite's bathroom, her hips swaying seductively causing her ass to jiggle delectably. She was only five foot, five inches tall3. 

An eager Clark reveals he equally naked and massive standing at six-foot, three inches his frame is covered in muscles equal to that of The Batman’s. However, The Man of Steel did not measure up to the batman in one area.

“Oh,” Clark says with a blushing smile as he follows his girlfriend into the bathroom.

After an hour-long shower…

“It was nice of Bruce to upgrade us to a suite and cover our meals here. Must be nice to have had such a generous billionaire friend since you were what 16?” Lois says with a smile stepping out of the bathroom wearing two white towels one was around her head the other covering up her Lilith and well-proportioned body.

“I was Sixteen he was Seventeen. He was attending a semester at the local university, just after he left Gotham and needed a place to plan his training trip to become Batman. We quickly hit it off, he helped me with my Physics homework, helped me control my powers better, taught me how to box, and even helped around the farm without being asked to. Pa also taught him some stuff learned as a scout sniper when he was a Marine. We stayed in touch over the years. He even paid for my meals as I was in college to help my folks out. Heck, He even paid off their loans.” Clark says with a smile thinking of his best friend.

“I still can't believe you two managed to pull off the damn act you two put on when you first met Bruce’s sidekick, you normally can’t act to save your life,” Lois says with a playful glare. Clark just smiled. Lois had changed into a pair of blue jeans, a black leather belt, a burgundy button-up shirt, and a pair of sneakers. 

Clark had changed into a pair of blue jeans, a plaid button-up, and his favorite pair of cowboy boots. Lois grabbed her favorite red leather purse as Clark grabbed his wallet. The pair then headed out the door and into the elevator.

When the doors opened the stepped in to meet a massive black-haired man an inch shorter then Clark dressed in a pair of blue jeans, a simple black t-shirt, a pair of expensive work boots on his feet, and a simple gold wedding band on his left hand. Hanging onto his right arm was a petit but well-proportioned dark-haired woman the same height as Lois. she is dressed in a pair of black jeans, a black button-up shirt, a pair of black high heels adding an inch to her height, and a black leather purse. A simple gold diamond ring on her left hand. Both were wearing sunglasses and looked like they were massively hungover. 

“Alley-cat what the fuck are you doing here?” Lois exclaims at the woman in shock.

“Keep it down Army-brat will you my head is killing me?” The other woman exclaims.

“Bruce, what are you doing here?” Clark asks in shock at seeing his best friend and that he is actually outside of Gotham’s city limits.

“ Clark keep it down,” Bruce says.

“Wait how do you know this Ally-cat Bruce?” Lois asks her boyfriend's best friend quieting her voice.

“Ally-cat?...Fitting, Selina how do you know Lois and how much does she know about your nightlife?” Bruce asks his new wife. He recalled an article Lois wrought on a certain cat-themed super thief that had interesting insights.

“She was my roommate at metropolis U, is my best friend, and knows all about my nightlife. Yes, I know your superman Mr. Kent. She told me on one of our girls nights out when she got drunk and has bitched to me often about caped activities interfering with dates at times…wait you know who Bruce really is?” Selina says shocked.

“I learned who he is shortly after I moved in with Clark and the ruckus he caused after he used some antidote for Poison Ivy’s toxic spores…wait why are you here with The Big Bad Bat?” Lois asks noticing the jewelry on the pairs left hand and putting two and two together.

“That antidote Army-brat, you know just how stupid I get when I am drunk and have the evidence to back it up. It’s a risky time right now and Bruce and I thought it would be a better idea to take the batwing and just get married then go run get a pack of condoms. So now I am married to a billionaire with no prenup agreement, and possibly a bun in my oven. However, I am also married to The Big Bad Bat so I will likely not seek a divorce… Unless he really is an airheaded playboy and journeys still out on that one. Either way, I win. Jealous Army-brat?” Selina says with her Cheshire grin.

“First congratulations, second I have Superman wrapped around my little finger, sure he may be a bit naive. However, Clark definitely has a brain even if he is fascinated by odd nature documentaries. So, I say I am the winner.” Lois says with a sassy grin on her face. The two women then quietly giggle at each other. 

Meanwhile, Clark was in shock that His best friend was the first of the Justice League to get married, the first to adopt a child, and now maybe the first to have a biological child. Bruce just standing there quietly letting his new wife answer the questions with a small smile and for the first time Clark can actualy see happiness in Bruce’s eyes.

“Bruce has a twe…” Selina starts to argue farther before Bruce quickly covers her mouth with his hand.

“Perhaps you to can continue this discussion when Clark and I are not here,” Bruce says with a bright red blush. Selina just licks his hand to try to make him let go as she nods ok. When he does not let go fast enough for her taste, she bites his hand.

“How long are you here for?” Lois asks respecting the delicate ears of the men as Bruce lets go of Selina's mouth, face not even showing that she had bitten him.

“We decided to stick around for a week when we left the drive-through wedding chapel. So, we can pick up this discussion later.” Selina says knowing Lois was here for the same amount of time.

“Deal, your husband can pay for the spa treatments too,” Lois says as the door hit the elevator. Lois Lane may be a tomboy but she enjoyed being pampered at the spa as much as the next woman.  
“Good idea,” Selina says with a smile.

“How about we talk about how the hell you two even know each other much less are married over breakfast,” Clark says with a very confused look on his face.

“For someone who supposedly can think of speeds faster than a quantum computer, you sure are slow Clark, you sure he has a brain Army-brat?” Selina asks her bestie.

“It's his naivety that makes him slow and it's part of his charm. Bruce is definitely paying so let's go get breakfast and sit at privet both. I always wanted to sit in one of them.” Lois says with a grin. Bruce just releases an exasperated sigh.

“We need to stop at the hotel store for Tylenol first,” Bruce says as they step out of the elevator.

“Good plan, no great plan Tylenol first then food, coffee, and explanations,” Selina says nodding her head. Realizing her mistake, she groans in pain holding her head.

To be continued the same Batcat time same Loisclark channel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just felt this was a good place to stop however the next chapter will definitely be writing drunk and high Batcat. I Love stories were Bruce is high as a Kite well being stitched up recovering from being gassed by something. It's like finding a Pegasus Unicorn with the bat emblem in pink across its chest.
> 
> I also like the comic cannon Lois-cat friendship, so I tend to fit it in regardless of the continuity.
> 
> 1\. I felt the 60’s batman tv show’s theme song is a fitting ringtone for Alfred.  
> 2\. I feed my kitten pedigree Kitten food so it’s the first thing that came to mind.
> 
> 3\. Lois lane and Catwoman are both five foot seven inches tall in the comics so if I have cats at five feet five inches tall, I felt I needed Lois to be the same height.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lois, Clark, Selina, and Bruce have breakfast together. Selina tells the story about what happened the night before.   
> This chapter is a bit lewd.

Chapter three: Friends Catch Up or Cat vs Bird

Sunday, Gotham noon outside Panther Apartments

“Good day sir, my name is Alfred Pennyworth this is Master Richard Grayson, the former Miss Kyles's new stepson and his girlfriend Miss Barbara Gordan, we are here to pick up miss Selina Kyles cats. She has gone and eloped with my employer One Bruce Wayne, yes that Bruce Wayne. Here is a picture of her driver's license but you may call Miss Kyle to confirm if you want.” Alfred says with a small smile as he shows the picture of his new Mistress id to the doorman. Having finished breakfast and being sick of studying Dick and Babs decided to go with Alfred to get Selina’s cats. They both wanted to see where Catwoman lived and they also needed to restock their supply of condoms.

James left early as he was going on a date with a new detective named Sara Essen and was secretly glad Barbara was going to be staying over at her boyfriend's. As to why Dick and Barbara were not yet on Summer break, due to a joker attack, Gotham academy was closed for two weeks causing a delay in their summer break, so this was their final week of school however their physics final was there last test. 

“One minute well I call miss Kyle to confirm your story.” The doorman Fred says as he pulls out his phone and dials Selina's cell number. She picks up in three rings. Fried Roberson the doorman of panther apartments is a Hispanic man in his fifties, he was five foot ten and had the air of a gentleman to him. 

Fred is a former Desert Storm vet and factory worker the man had been made the doorman to Panther apartments after he got his ass handed to him by miss Kyle five years ago when she returned to Gotham after a trip around the world. She had just finished renovating the building. She even gave Fred and his kids an apartment at no cost. The building did not make much money as she charged reasonable rates for rent and cared about her tenants most of them being former working girls of the East End that she trained and employed at Kyle Appraisers an international authentication firm. She paid all her employees well and she was even paying for his 3 younger kids' college educations. This was also how Catwoman chose her targets when stealing as she generally appraised them through her business, however, her business was doing well so now she only really stole to add to her collection and have time with The Batman. 

“Hello Miss Kyle this is Fred, I am sorry to bother you on a Sunday but I have a Mr. Alfred Pennyworth, Mr. Grayson, and Miss Gordon here saying of all things you eloped Bruce Wayne and he is the…” Fred looks shocked when he is cut off by Selina.

“I see Mrs. Wayne, I will let your friend Miss Lane break the story of your marriage to Mr. Wayne and will give them your spare key to let them into your penthouse.” The man says before hanging up the phone. Well, he is a happily married man he would still miss being able to stare at the new Mrs. Wayne’s glorious booty as she left to volunteer at the animal shelters or going to work. 

Well, Bruce Wayne is an airhead and a bit of a playboy he was still as far as Fred could tell a good man who used much of his personal fortune each year to donate to many charities that help benefit Gotham. Fried was personally grateful to the man as he had several friends who were able to live in the offices of Wayne tower well their homes were rebuilt after the alien invasion last year. The man even paid out of his own pocket to ensure that every refugee in Gotham had 3 healthy and hot meals a day well the reconstruction was going on and funded several soup kitchens around Gotham

“So, you served in the forces Mr. Pennyworth?” Fred asks making conversation as he leads the group into the building.

“Yes, I was a Field medic in her majesty’s services assigned to a Gurkha battalion,” Alfred says acknowledging his service. 

“Always nice to meet a fellow vet I served as a CB combat medic with a detachment of Marines in desert storm. I met my wife after I was wounded during an operation. She was a British nurse and even won the Royal Red Cross. Just so you know should your boy Bruce ever hurt the new Mrs. Wayne I will have to kill him. She is a good woman; she gave me this job after I lost my job at Gothcorp’s old manufacturing plant. Tried to mug her so I could feed my family and she kicked my rear before offering me a job instead of calling the cops.” Fred says with a 1000-yard stare.

“Master Bruce may have the reputation of being a bit of a playboy however, he never has dated more than one woman at a time and is the best man I have ever met. However, between us and the children that airheadedness is mostly an act he puts on.” Alfred says matching the man’s stare with his own.

“Sorry but I am going to have to ask you, kids, to wait out here, come with me Mr. Pennyworth,” Fred says as he opens the door to the super's office. The two old men step in and he locks the door.

“Will Mr. Wayne turn on her when he finds out she is Catwoman? Because I will kill him before I let him send her to prison, she may be a thief, however, she has had a hard life that is not my story to tell, however despite her past and the fact that she is a bit selfish at times, she is still a great woman with a good heart. She has been looking after The East End using both her skills and her business since Batman appeared and has helped many of the young ‘working’ mothers go from working the street to working in her appraisal firm and I will not let him…” Fred stopped mid-rant when Alfred raised his hand. The reason Fred revealed a bit about Selina's past and that she is Catwoman is that both himself and his wife had treated her wounds at times after a night spent patrolling The East End.

“Before you finish that I need your word of honor as a soldier and a gentleman that you will keep what I say next to yourself,” Alfred says with a glare worthy of Batman.

“So long as you keep Mrs. Wanye’s secret,” Fred says matching the man's glare.

“Mr. Wayne is Batman; I feel you know who Mrs. Wayne has been meeting every Saturday for the last year after her patrol of The East End. In his investigating of Catwoman Master Wayne uncovered she has been protecting The East End which is why he has the cat give back what she steals when he happens to catch her and stopped looking into who she really is until he found out last night.” Alfred says.

“Well, then he is why she has been both so frustrated and so happy these last four years.” Fred grabs a piece of paper and writes his number down then grabs the spare key to the elevator.

“Names Fred Robertson, here's my number, I trust you have some things you want to vent about when it comes to what your boy puts you threw but do not have many people you can vent to. So long as you grant me or my wife the same courtesy, I will always be there to listen. I’ll help you get their stage wear from Mrs. Wayne’s apartment.” Fred says with a smile.

“Thank you for the assistance and I will be ringing you in the future. Here’s my card it has my number. I will make sure to let those two know they should keep the penthouse as having another place to get patched up closer to the city could save their lives one day.” Alfred says as he pulls out a card from his jacket pocket and hands it to the man. The two old men would become fast friends. Alfred’s card reads: Alfred Pennyworth Wayne family butler extraordinaire then his number.

“So, I take it the boy is Robin and the girl is Batgirl?” Fred says with a smirk.

“That would be breaking the identity code,” Alfred smirks confirming the other man's suspicion. The two then leave to find the kids had gotten bored and started making out.

“Ahem, you two can continue that when we get back to the manner for now we have 3 cats to collect, and along with some stage wear,” Alfred says with a small smile at the two blushing teens.

The ride up to the penthouse is acquired for the two teens.

The penthouse of panther apartments…

“Daddy where's Grandma I am hungry she is normally home and awake long before now on the seventh day. Did something happen to her out in the scary smelly world you have told me stories of? I do not want to have to live in that scary world. Plus, she left with the giant male two legs, he was scary.” Bast asks her father worried and hungry even though Osiris let his little one have the food he had saved in his bowl. He never let Isis give the little one a portion of her food, he is the strongest and could go without food longest.

The five-year-old cat Bast was born and raised in the penthouse. His adoptive mother took both him and Isis in gave them names and made sure there one litter of kittens all had good homes in the other caves of their home. He, Isis, and Bast had been made so they could no longer have kittens. However, they did not resent their owner as she had said it was a responsibility of the two legs to make sure his glorious kind did not become too numerous and be unable to feed themselves. His mate Isis and he were both much older than her at ten years old1.

Osiris hops down from his perch on top of what mother referred to as the fridge to address his precious kitten for she was the runt of the litter and he and Isis had been worried she may not survive even with mother's assistance. She did not have the strength to jump up so high.2

“Bast my little one, do not worry the big male two legs, yes he is strong, I felt the power of his muscles when I climbed him and he made me purr with his gentle touch and heart. well, it is well-hidden he is full of kindness like Mothers is. He is surely strong enough to protect Mother from whatever mischief she gets into well she is away. Be patient young one, you know if Mother is away for long times, she has a fellow two legs come and feed us. Now is not the time to worry. So my little one, go nap in the warmth of the sun with your mother.” Osiris says.

“Ok Daddy,” Bast says assured by her father's words. Her father was strong, wise, and kind, having beaten one of the flying hunters in the past. Bast trusted her father, she was also tired and with a yawn, she pranced over to her mother and lay down next to her in the warmth. Isis popped her eye open and then wrapped a protective and comforting paw around her favorite daughter. Bast snuggled closer to her mother. Before the little one could nod off to the dreaming, the cats heard the ding of the machine mother referred to as an elevator. However it did not sound right to Osiris as he knew the only mother had access to the elevator however but it sounded too heavy for just her and the big two legs, even if they had many of the crinkly sacks stuffed with her fake furs. He stretched out reading himself to protect their home.

10:40AM Los Vegas Excalibur hotel 

Lois and Clark had watched the Newlyweds both pop two extra-strength tablets of Tylenol in there moth planning to swallow them down dry, however, the ever mischievous Selina decided she wanted her husband’s tablets instead so she pulled down her new husband and gave him a kiss shoving her tongue down his throat and swapping pills with him. The action caused Lois to roll her eyes and Clark to blush. 

“Save the PDA’s for your room Ally-cat,” Lois says smirking at her friend’s antics.

“But Army-brat I needed to make sure he was a good kisser sober…and he does not disappoint,” Selina says with a playful wine as she wraps her arms around one of Bruce’s massive arms again. Bruce gave her a small smile of satisfaction.

“Glad I do not disappoint Cat; I will be showing you how good I can Kiss another part of you well sober once we get back to our room,” Bruce says with his smirk turning naughty.

“Oh, something to look forward to, I definitely need to make sure your as good in the sack as you are drunk.” Selina purrs in response.

“However, first we need to eat, then go shopping as we do not have enough clothing for two weeks, you two are more than welcome to join us, the trip will be my treat,” Bruce says with a smile. 

Both the Dark Knight and the Man of Steel feel a shiver go down their spines and gulp. The look on the two woman’s face at Bruce’s comment was the scariest thing they had ever seen; the look was evil, predatory, hungry, fierce, and would scare Darkseid himself. Bruce could also feel his bank account get significantly lighter by the second…well, payday was in two days away and he had a ridiculous paycheck…and an even more ridiculous number of zeros after a two in his savings account.

“Shopping on a billionaire’s dime, dream come true.” Both Selina and Lois sing as they then begin giggling evilly.

“However, first you two need to dish the dirt on how you two wound up here in Vegas, married,” Lois says the gossip in her ignited. 

The first time Clark saw that look in Lois's eyes was after she showed up at his apartment after his first fight with the Parasite when she tried to steal a story from him. At the time they had both recently started at the Daily Planet. He loved that expression on her face and if he had been a human, he would have spilled everything to the woman. Thankfully, he could process information at speeds matching a quantum computer at full power…and had just enough will power to realize not to dish the dirt so he managed not to give her the story. She also used the pen name of J.L. Finch3 to write one of the gossip columns for the Daily Planet along with Kat Grant.

“Well let’s head to the restaurant then,” Bruce says with a smile. The two couples make their way to the formal attire restaurant in the hotel, the one that requires a reservation and had a two-year waiting list. 

“Excuse me sir however you are neither dressed for this nor…” The host says with a French accent with his ‘I hate explaining this to peasants’ frown. That is when Bruce takes off his sunglasses and gives the man the pained version of his Brucie smile.

“Man, me and my new wife are just so badly hungover and my friend’s girl here always wanted to see a private booth in a high-end restaurant. Oh, where are my manners, Bruce Wayne.” Bruce says with a smile raising his voice a couple of tones from his normal gravely voice4.

“Brucie I’m like so hungry and in so like much pain, make this fool hurry up and get us a like privet booth… Now.” Selina wines as she cuddles deeper into Bruce’s arm raising her voice an octave, giving her best impression of an airheaded bimbo’s wide empty-headed smile. She wished she had some bubble gum so she could add to her act by blowing a bubble. She also now understood just why Bruce did his Brucie act it was fun, she made a mental note to carry bubble gum from now on.

“Ahh I see your reservation right here Mr. Wayne, Please come This way.” The Host says pointing to a random spot on his screen and switching to his ‘I will happily kiss your ass… with tongue and greatly enjoy it’ smile as he grabbed four menus as he leads them to the massive private room. The large round table in the room is engraved with visual representations of the Arthurian myths. Lois and Clark had to bite their lips to prevent themselves from laughing at their friend’s antics. Lois and Clark both knew that Selina flat out despised the kind of woman she was acting like and that Bruce was too serious for his own good. 

“What can I get you to drink? We have a fabulous wine selection.” The host asks the group as he hands them all a menu.

“Coffee with 2% milk I will add it myself.5,” Bruce says with a grin.

“Coffee like as black as the Knight,” Selina says with an empty-headed smile as she plays with a strand of her long black hair.

“Coffee, black. And my boyfriend will have a glass of whole milk.” Lois says barely holding in her laughter and knew Clark would start laughing if he opened his mouth. Taking down their orders the host left and all four broke down laughing for the next five minutes. 

“Ok let’s figure out what we are going to be eating before we start storytime,” Bruce says still smiling.

Everyone quickly and easily decided what they wanted. And Selina got a call from her doorman letting her know Alfred and the Batkid’s had arrived at her penthouse to pick up her babies. She felt like she forgot something though.

“Hello, are you ready to order or do you need a bit more time.” A beautiful twenty-three-year-old waitress says her name tag showing her name was Clara asked with a smile. She came in from the direct access hallway to the kitchen connected to the room away from the door and had unbuttoned several of her tops buttons when she saw she would be serving Bruce Wayne. She sets their beverages in front of everyone, making sure to give Mr. Wayne a good look at her goods which were big, all-natural, and well-proportioned as she gave him his coffee and milk. To the man’s credit, Bruce’s eyes never strayed, he liked Selina and he is now married to her…correction he really liked Selina far more than any of the empty-headed women he chose to date as cover before now.

“I’ll have the pancake breakfast with a side of hash browns.” Clark orders with his schoolboy smile.

“French toast with a double side of sausage links.” Lois orders, she worked out enough not to worry about her weight all that much, but she had found herself eating more than normal the last month or so but she thought nothing of it.

“Give me an omelet loaded with bacon and mushrooms, a side of bacon, a side of hash browns, and a 16-ounce ribeye medium-well.6” Selina orders. She just glares at Clara when the younger woman gives her a look that says: are you sure you want to eat all that. Selina’s glare makes the woman shiver.

“One order of steak and eggs with the 16-ounce ribeye, a second ribeye, an omelet with bacon and mushrooms, and a side of whole-wheat toast. Stakes are to be done medium well as well6.” Bruce out of habit bruce gives the woman the playboy smile he literally practiced in the mirror for some time. His smile makes the woman’s knees a bit weak and she bends down a bit farther to try to entice the ridiculously wealthy man with a glimpse of her bra. Selina’s body goes rigged at the woman’s action.

“If you, like keep trying to entice my new husband or you like try to slip him your number, I will have to hurt you, honey,” Selina says with the smile on her face did not match or reach her eyes. Clara swore she saw her death in the woman’s green eyes, something that involved being feed to a massive number of cats well still alive, that caused Clara to freeze and gulp…she was glad she had used the restroom before entering the privet room.

“Ok, that will take a bit of time.” The waitress says as she stiffly and quickly walks out the door leading to the kitchen. Bruce makes a mental note to give her a big tip. However, he also could not help but enjoyed the jealous side of Selina. 

“Someone seems to be a bit jealous,” Bruce says in his normal voice giving Selina a small smirk.

“This kitty does not share her things and your mine now,” Selina says with a smile as she possessively grabs Bruce’s arm.

“hmm, I think I am going to have to have to give my pretty kitty a spanking later as she needs to learn to play nice,” Bruce says with a flirtatious smile on his face as he stares at Selina.

“Save the flirting for shopping and start dishing the gossip Mr. Grumpy Pants and Ally-cat,” Lois says with an eager lightly crazed smile on her face that never failed to make Clark excited.

“Fine, I’m telling the story though. I was trying to decide what to wear and had narrowed it down to a few outfits when antidot poison combo hit me.” Selina says as she sighs.

Last night…

“What to wear, what to wear. What does this naughty kitty need to wear to seduce herself a billionaire Bat and see just how naughty he can get.” Selina asks herself as she does a little shake dance causing her gory to jiggle delectably.

She had laid out before her a few outfits: a vintage formal green dress that would be more at home on an old lady, another vintage semi-formal gold dress, a black one-piece suit that went with some purple stockings, a brown leather bustier and leather pants, a black version of the outfit that included a black leather jacket, a qipao inspired dress that showed off her bountiful breasts which had some green trim around the v cut and would show off her thighs with the long slit7. That is when her ten minutes were up. 

“Oh, I know.” Selina squeals as the effects of Ivy’s toxin and its antidote hit her and she did another happy shake dance to show her happiness through motion.

…

Bruce wanted to do a one-armed handstand, so he did one. The gray cat chose to climb up him causing Bruce to giggle a bit as his sharp claws dug into him, he was glad he tucked his shirt into his pants or he would have pinpricks of blood on his body from the action. The cat made himself comfortable on his large sock-clad feet and began purring.

‘This one is strong and kind, I approve of him. His sent his close to mothers, in a manner like mine and Isis’s ah I will keep this to myself for now.’ The Osiris though went right on purring.

Selina emerged from her bedroom flanked by her other two cats wearing her qipao inspired dress and some purple stockings and she had swapped her black lipstick for bright red lipstick. She smiled as she now had the purrrfect opportunity to start her seduction…much more blatantly than she would sober.

“Bet I can hold that pose for longer than you Brucie.” Selina purrs slurring a little as she struts up to the man.

“I’ll take that bet.” Bruce could not help but wish she had stopped a bit closer; he was raised to be a gentleman, but he was still a drunk and high man at this moment. Selina then mimicked his pose and Bruce blushed as a naughty grin that matched Selina’s crossed his face, Selina she was only wearing a purple garter belt under her dress. 

“Oh, I like that bat you got their Miss Kyle,” Bruce says drunkenductively as his body reacted.

“Well, what can I say, I find you attractive enough in a mask to let you into this kitty’s kitty. From what I can see your Batarang is bigger than I dared imagine…It’s bigger than ‘The Batman’ dildo…by several inches.” Selina says as she sensually licks her lips.

“How would you know the size of the Batman dildo?” Bruce says liking were this conversation is going, in all honesty, he quit dating after he got ambushed on ‘Heart to Heart with Harley’ stating in an interview with Summer Gleeson that he felt he needed to spend more time with his newly adopted son…He did not go with Vikki Vale…because she was among the woman Harley Quin ambushed him with having dated her for a short time when he just started as Batman.

“Oh, I own one, and…” Selina chose that moment to reach out and cup a feel and a squeeze to his Batarang and was speechless.

“Bat got your tongue, Selina,” Bruce said sounding smug.

“Purr ME-YA-W, not yet but he will…Your Bruce Wayne billionaire playboy you carry condoms right, I have been in your utility belt and I know batman does not carry rubbers. It’s a risky day today and I have not been on the pill for a long time and this night is going to end…hmmm with this big ol Batarang in this very naughty kitties throat, kitty, and… her litterbox too.” Selina says as biting her lip raising her eyebrow well lowing her eyelids to give bruce a seductive look as she starts rubbing. Bruce pales a bit.

“Actually, I stopped carrying condoms around when I stopped dating two years ago, I wanted to spend more time with Dick, he started having frequent nightmares about his parents falling,” Bruce says with a frown.

“What the fu.” Selina starts to say with a confused look.

Present….

Banananananana banannanananaana

“Ghaaaaahhhhhh” the entire table yelps as Bruce’s phone goes off just as the story was getting interesting.

“Geese Alfred, you sca…why are you on face time?” Bruce asks as he answers his phone it had been some time since he had been spooked like this.

“Because it will be easier to show you the problem than to tell you,” Alfred says from the other side of the phone as he hits the button to switch cameras.

A few minutes ago, in Gotham…. Osiris

Osiris had been watching the small two legs male closely as something about him caused the cat to not trust this male, his smell reminded him of a bird. A bird-like the one that had tried to snatch Isis after he had she successfully seeded with their only litter, just before mother found them. He managed to pounce on and kill that one, although he bore scars from the fight hidden under his fur.

The young two-leg had gone to the mysterious wall with the shiny orb called a doorknob that mother was able to use magic to open. She kept their carriers in this ‘closet’, however, she also kept some of her shiny stones and metal in there, the ones that she did not steal. He slipped in unnoticed. He decided to act in case the bringer of food was being forced to aid this boy in taking mother's shinnies. 

Vegas…

Bruce looked at the phone and takes a screenshot… then he burst out laughing dropping his phone to bang his hand against the table. Selina managed to change it up as Lois and Clark pear over her shoulder all of them burst out laughing as well.

“It’s not funny,” Dick says quietly. Osiris hissed threateningly, the cat's claws dug deep into the sides of the boy's neck ready to rip out his carotid arteries, unseen his rear paws claws were dug into the boys back he then bit the boy's right ear drawing blood, Robin the Boy Wonder has officially been defeated by Osiris ‘Hawkslayer’ Kyle.

“Osiris bad boy, that’s your new baby brother, he is not a threat,” Selina says well giggling.

Gotham Osiris’s POV…

Osiris saw his mother in the small magic box mother calls a smartphone, hearing the boy was now his baby brother he let go of the boy's ear and caringly cleaned up the wound he left on the boy, however, he leaves the injuries from his claws untreated, the pain would serve as a reminder to him to not let his guard down. He vows to himself to turn his new baby brother into a Hawkslayer like himself so he would be worthy of his mother and the man who she chose as a mate, as this must be a fostered child of the big kind man as they did not have similar scents.

“Meow, maw meow meow mrrow raw raw meow maw me row. meow row row row.” Osiris tells the boy. Translated into the language of the two legs: Enjoy this day brother for tomorrow I start putting you through hell. I will make you a Hawkslayer. Isis sniffed the boy He could smell the red-furred two legs female on the boy and figured they were mates, hmm. Osiris crawls out from the boy’s fake fur and hops down to the floor. He then trots over to the red-furred two legs.

“Maw raow row row meow wur maw maw raw meow row row row meow…purrs,” Osiris tells the girl. translation to the language of the two legs: Enjoy your translation error…mate tonight for tomorrow I will be turning him into a Hawkslayer and he will be too tired to mate till I deem him worthy. So, if you desire to mate do it tonight. The female promptly snatched him pup in her arms and started petting him.

“aww such a cute kitty good job teaching my boyfriend a lesson for letting his guard down. Good kitty, good kitty, Selina what’s this good kitty name?” Barbra asks as she pets and cuddles the big gray cat.

Vegas…

“Your names Barbara right, his name is Osiris. He is a tough little softy at heart like your boss.” Selina says with a teasing smile.

“He is not my boss, he is my mentor,” Barbara says with a defiant look.

“Barbra you’re under a contract with Wayne Sitters, so I literally am your boss. Yes, I own a babysitter service and yes Barbra does actually work for them.” Bruce says with a smirk as a waiter and their waitress come in with their ordered food.

“Meow it’s as I said he is your Boss.” Selina snarks at Barbara then hit the end call button.

“Let’s eat then, I will finish storytime,” Selina says with a victorious smile.

Lois and Clark watch in awe as Bruce and Selina began devouring the food set before them, despite the amount they were devouring they both had perfect table manners.

“Do you know where Selina puts all that food…is it weirding you out that they are eating in sync with each other?” Clark asked as he takes a bite of pancakes.

“Do you know where Bruce is putting all that food ya he has big muscles but still? ...yes, yes, it is,” Lois asks as she takes a bite of sausage.

“Hmm, you say my name?” Bruce and Selina ask swallowing a bite of stake at the same time. 

“Just trying to figure out where you two put all that food…and why you’re not a fat cat Ally-cat?” Lois asks with a bit of jealousy in her voice.

“We can’t all be solar powered. Being in and maintaining Peak human physical conditioning burns a lot of calories. Protecting Gotham does the same, chasing and sparing with my naughty kitty here once a week burns more than a fight with The Joker.” Bruce answers with a smile as Selina had taken another bite. He then took another bite of his stake.

“Same, however, I also have to maintain extra secrecy when I need to seal something, so I have money to pay the bills. I love it when he chases me but a girls got to eat and it takes that extra bit of effort.” Selina says with a smirk as she takes another bite.

“Who says I do not know when you steal so you can pay your bills, then again The Batman enjoys chasing Catwoman too much to actually throw her in prison…plus you never really leave any evidence other than the cat figurines and the circles of glass. After all, Batman has never missed a date night with Catwoman this last year. Also, I know that you now make enough from Kyle Appraisals you only steal for your personal collection of cat-themed items” Bruce says with a smirk as he takes another bite.

“Good answers bat,” Selina says with a smirk as she takes another bite.

“This is more fascinating than my nature documentaries,” Clark whispers to Lois.

“No Clark those…well some of them are quite boring, but this is more interesting than my soaps,” Lois whispers to Clark as she takes a bite of her French toast. The group finishes their meal’s in silence.

“I still can’t believe how much you two put away. Now back to the story what happened next?” Lois says as she takes a sip from her coffee.

Selina smiles as she takes a sip of the fresh black coffee in her coup delaying her story just a bit to bug the army brat.

Last night…

“Oh, that’s right your adoptive sone goes by Dick. Hehehe you got a nice one here I can’t even wrap my pretty little hand around it.” Selina marvels. Bruce just puffs up his chest at the complement.

“I really do not want to walk into a store ‘drunk’ and looking to buy condoms but I al…hmm think you can keep me distracted for fifteen minutes or so?” Bruce asks as a plan comes to mind.

“Oh, I think I can manage that. But why?” Selina asks as she raises an eyebrow. Bruce moves to right himself and getting to his feet.

“Hay I was not done playing with that,” Selina yells in outrage. Bruce can see he affected her as she had gotten very damp and looked to be very tight. He trips over his own feet as he starts walking back to Selina’s ‘Catacomb.’ He blushes a bit as he picks himself up. 

“Well how do you feel about a trip to Vegas, we won’t need condoms if we are married and I do not mind being sited drunkenly buying a wedding band in Vegas if it’s you I am spotted with. We can just go with simple gold bands for now as no jeweler will have anything worthy of the illustrious, beautiful, cunning, intelligent, and skilled Catwoman.” Bruce says as he walks to the wall.

‘hmm step one. marry the billionaire bat…why am I plotting that’s all I need to do.’ Selina thinks.

“So how are we getting to Vegas in fifteen minutes?” Selina asks as she rights herself, walks up to him, and wraps her arms around him feeling up his abs feeling the depth groves, She then turns him around and pulls his shirt up, and stares in delight.

“God damn, I think these abs you got are going to be the best thing I have ever stolen…” Selina says as she licks her lips with a crazed aroused smile as she stares at the glory that was Bruce Wayne’s abdominal muscles. abs that defined should be illegal…they were getting whipped cream from room service tonight…no she was going to indulge herself by getting some chocolate ice cream to lick off those abbs.

‘All those core exercises…so worth it.’ Bruce thinks with an arrogant satisfied smirk as he opens the secret door.

“Well then you need to pack a bag, the batwing will be here in two minutes,” Bruce says as he walks in and grabs the Bat wave controller from his utility belt, and uses it to summon the batwing. He takes the time to send a few texts to what he thinks is Alfred’s number, turns out it's Dicks.

Selina smirks as she goes to her room and grabs the purse she was currently using, the matching heels for her outfit, and her pre-packed ‘I need to get out of Gotham for a day or two’ bag instead of her I need to get out of the country bag, never let it be said The Catwoman did not have a plan for everything. as she even had hidden in a lead-lined safe in her catacomb a piece of kryptonite set in an earring, its mate was an emerald she had spent months color matching to the glowing stone. All just in case she ever saw something in Metropolis she wanted, then again, The Man of Steel was too easy to take down and thus offered little excitement, the Army-brat could have him she wanted the big bad bat and was about to have him as her husband, at this realization she could not help but lightly cackle evilly. She walked in to see Bruce had put on a pair of work boots.

“Like you, I am prepared for anything I already have a bag packed, however, I only have two days of clothing so you're taking me shopping, now it’s time for The Bat to get my tongue.” Selina says with a smile that had nothing but ‘evil’ intentions as she got up onto her tiptoes and kisses Bruce for the first time.

‘If this is him/her kissing drunk I can’t wait to see how he can kiss sober.’ The pair think as they share their first kiss. They pull apart as the Batwing arrives. Bruce hopped into the batwing and Selina plopping her glory down onto her rightful spot, his lap instead of the back seat.

“Autopilot, destination Los Vegas, Nevada. Civilian dress transportation. Drop us off at a jewelry store.” Bruce tells the batwing as the jets hatch shuts.

“Here’s your distraction Bat,” Selina says rolled over, and plopped her kitty in front of Bruce’s face as she unzips him.

“Best distraction ever,” Bruce says as he grabs her legs and begins to devour her.

In Vegas Half an hour later…

Bruce carried Selina from the Batwing after setting it to return to the cave he leaves the controller in the cockpit. He set her down and pulled out his W-phone.

“Even drunk your willpower is impressive Bat. We need to get those rings, then a drive-through chapel I hate waiting and I have waited five years just to get a feel for your Batarang, I do not want to wait much longer.” Selina says satisfied and sweaty as she licked her lips. She had gotten off thrice, and she had stubbornly refused to leave the jet till she got her cream. From her purse, Selina pulled out a compact, a wet nap, and a tube of her favorite red lipstick. She needed a touchup as she had left most of her former coating at the base of Bruce’s large Batarang. 

“Hello Excalibur, Bruce Wayne I know its short notice is the honeymoon sweet available,” Bruce asks as he offers his arm to Selina. 

“Yes, Mr. Wayne the suite is available until next month.” The booker on the other end replied.

“Good I’ll take it for the next two weeks have it ready in about an hour,” Bruce tells the woman.

The pair had made their way around the building half stumbling there were into Jewelry store as he hangs up and puts his phone on its carrier.

“Are you Bruce Wayne?” The wide-eyed salesclerk asks as she looks to see who entered the shop. Most of the time she was dealing with someone who won big and wanted to get an expensive souvenir.

“Yep…looking for wedding rings, Selina dear pick out one in your size please,” Bruce says not really needing to sound airheaded as he sounded drunk. Even under the influence of the antidote toxin combo, Selina was able to instantly zero in on the best diamond on the floor and to her delight, it was also the right size. 

“This one Brucie this is the ring I want for now,” Selina says as she points at the ring, she wanted well shaking her glory excitedly.

“You have a good eye that’s the best diamond we have out here, however, we have some better piece in the back I could get out.” The clerk says with a smile.

“Brucie said he will be getting me something custom made later so for now this will do. Also, get him a gold wedding band he needs to be sized.” Selina says with a drunk smile. 

The clerk just had made a good commission and had one hell of a story to tell about a drunk Bruce Wayne buying wedding rings for himself and some woman named Selina. The pair made their way out of the Jewelry store and to the nearest drive through the chapel. They honestly could not help but smile, the nearest chapel was superhero-themed little Church of Justice and they chose to get married by Batman. 

Vegas…

“After that, we took a cab to the Excalibur and well I do not want to embarrass your innocence little boyfriend by talking about what Bruce and I got up to in our suite in front of him.” Selina finishes both the story and her coffee.

“So I get to write the gossip article right?” Lois asks with her crazed smile.

“Yes. now time to go SHOPPING.” Selina says and the evil smiles return to both her and Lois's face and the men steeled themselves for the horror they were about to experience.

Next time the horrors and delights of shopping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.Cats can live to 20  
> 2: my current cat cant jump up to the counters of my home, however, my first cat could jump high enough.  
> 3: digital cooky to those who get this reference, let me know if you get it in the comments =)  
> 4: Batman the animated series, in my opinion, got it right, Bruce's Batman voice is his real one and he raises it for bruce Wayne. Nods arrogantly.  
> 5: batman Beyond reference.  
> 6: I prefer my steak well done or medium well done and am projecting my tastes onto these two.  
> 7: I wonder where I got the idea for these clothes.


	4. Daughter's?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interesting things happen after the shopping trip.

Chapter 4: Daughters?

Clark had thought Bruce was joking when he said he would get two large U halls for the shopping trip…until two U halls pulled into valet parking. The maniacal look on the woman’s faces at the sight of the massive amount of trunk space, the smiles would scare the Joker at his most crazy. Selina and Lois decided they would get Bruce new clothing first and unwilling to suffer the horror of being their dress-up model alone Bruce said he would update Clark’s wardrobe. 

So, both men had to model for the two women, which ended up as the two men modeling for a massive crowd of women that slowly formed. However, that was just the warmup for the two women and for the men as it just got worse for them. For the next twelve hours as Lois and Selina dragged Bruce and Clark to every boutique, vintage clothing store, high-end clothing store, shoe store, in Vegas, along with a few antique stores and the best Jewelry store in Vegas. However, the men's misery is completely forgotten with the day became a great and fun day for both the men and woman. in the last two hours the woman saved in Bruce and Clark's minds the woman saved the best for last, the two men are dragged into several high-end lingerie stores. Even with all his control, Bruce could not keep the smile off his face when his new wife posed in multiple sets of lingerie and getting to see her Glory framed in several styles of panties. At the end of the day, both U hales were almost full, and Bruce would swear his Black card was smoking from its use.

Back at the Excalibur…

We find two young women walking into the hotel and casino one a stacked blond standing at five foot nine inches tall with blue eyes her long blond hair falling to the bottom of her shoulder blades. This is Karen Starr, and she is dressed in a pair of short jean shorts that hugged her impressive rump, a tight white t-shirt with a boob window, and a pair of sneakers. Karen is a woman standing five foot eight, with long black hair, mischievous green eyes, and has nearly as impressive of a figure as Karen this is Helena… Bertinelli? She was wearing a pair of black jeans, a black V-neck, a t-shirt with a white camisole underneath along with a pair of combat boots.

“Here I thought you were a goody-two-shoes like your dad Helena, I guess you are more like your mother than your father as you made us 21 instead of 18. What better way to drown out the sorrow of being stranded on an Earth that is not our own than drinking our self’s stupid and gambling away some of the money you ‘borrowed’ from your father.” Karen says with a smirk at her best friend as they made their way to the front desk.

“Do not look so surprised Kara, I was always more a momma’s girl than a daddy’s girl…I just don’t have mom’s sticky fingers…for the most part,” Helena says with a wide Cheshire grin when both women collided with a brick wall.

“Sorry, are you two alright?” A voice asks… a voice that is uncomfortably familiar to Helena, she looks up at the face of the man she ran into and she stares in shock. That is when she noticed the equally familiar beautiful black-haired green-eyed woman next to him.

“Mommy… Daddy…” Helena says, then she does something that is against her cat nature, something she was trained to resist… she fainted. Helena did not want to deal with her not-parents, she hoping to avoid them entirely…her last thought was: what the fuck are they doing in Vegas. 

Karen looked into the face of a younger version of her cousin/father and his wife who had become her mother, both of whom were dead back on her earth. She also saw her best friends’ eyes roll in the back of her head as she fainted.

‘Helena you traitor, I am not going to deal with this situation alone.’ Karen’s Kryptonian physiology allows her to think in a fraction of a fraction of a second. Karen then just lets the darkness encroaching on her vision take over and fainted.

With our heroes…

“Ok…did she call me daddy?” Bruce asks as he stares at the dark-haired girl. A girl whose facial features bared a strong resemblance to both his and Selina’s… as he gets a good look at the blond girl he decided for the group.

“We are taking these two to your room Clark, that’s Kara, however, I would say she is about two years older but it's Kara all right,” Bruce says as he picks up the mysterious dark-haired girl.

“Ya that’s Clark's blond niece all right… she would not be able to grow those in the two months since I last saw the girl,” Selina states looking at the girl's much larger chest…she suddenly felt a bit flat.

“Clark, pick up not-Kara and take the girls to our room well Selina and I spin this then we will meet you up there,” Lois tells her boyfriend in a voice inaudible to normal human as she directs the men to the elevator.

The two men make their way to the elevator carrying the two young women.

Lois and Clarks suite…

The two men put the girls on the bed and removed their footwear. Bruce went through their purses looking for Id, finding and reading it he asked Clark a strange question well also looking around the room for something.

“Kryptonian wisdom teeth work the same way as Homo sapiens right?” Bruce asks his best friend with a look that says do not ask why I know something you do not with your 52 different kinds of supervision.

“Yes, like humans Kryptonian wisdom teeth erupt between ages 17 to 23 why… oh you want me to check,” Clark says and using his x-ray vision checks their teeth. That is when Bruce finds what he was looking for, the sewing kit.

“There wisdom teeth have not erupted yet,” Clark says as he watched Bruce approach the blond with the complimentary sewing kit. He took out one of the needles from the kit and stabs Karen’s hand with a needle causing the needle to bend.

“Get your power drainer. I know you packed the portable one I made you last year, Lois has that little limp.” Bruce stoically states in batman mode. Clark blushes and goes to grab the item in question from where he had it charging in the bathroom, he was glad it was waterproof. 

“Clark goes get the charger too, this is the real reason I made such a long cord for it.” Bruce says as Selina and Lois arrive in the room in time to see Clark attaching the device to the blond.

“So… I guess this means no fun till she wakes up,” Lois says with a pout that makes Clark sputter with a massive blush on his face.

“Speaking of fun, call my phone when one of them wakes up,” Bruce says as he gives Selina a look that causes her to get a naughty grin on her face.

“Why?” Clark asks it was not like Bruce to not personally watch a suspect. Lois just slaps her forehead head as a sweat drop forms on her brow. Lois loved her boyfriend dearly, but he could be so innocent at times it was embarrassing.

“Well Clark, my hangover from Ivy’s toxin has been gone for the last two hours and I am a newlywed, after I explain the situation to my new wife, I want to do what newlyweds do on their honeymoon…maybe on the roof of the hotel or in our room her choice,” Bruce says his normal stoic look finally breaking into a small naughty smile at his wife…he liked that this intelligent, beautiful woman was his wife.

“Handsome, we met on a roof, we may not have our stage wear with us but we are going to have our first sober time on the fucking roof…and when we get home our first time in costume is going to be on that water tower I knocked you out with,” Selina says with her Cheshire smile as she drags Bruce out of the room faster than Clark has ever seen any non-meta move.

“Guess we are babysitting be a dear and order some coffee well I get you your noise-canceling earplugs…Selina…lets the world know when she is having sex,” Lois says with a smirk at Clarks blush, her boyfriend could be so innocent it was endearing….and it made it so fun to tease him.

“How do you…” Clark sputters his body stiffing and his face igniting in a blush that causes his eyes to glow red with his heat vision, thankfully he does not fire it off.

“She is my best friend, and I was her roommate in college Clark…plus I doubt you want to hear the sounds of your best friend having sex,” Lois says as she digs out the device Bruce made so the Man of Steel could have a good night’s sleep. Bruce also was kind enough to include a setting had a setting that allowed him to enjoy a normal human level hearing. Clark does as his girlfriend asks and orders a pot of coffee then begins to wait for one of the girls to wake up.

Several hours later, Karen Starr’s point of view…

Karen Starr who is really Karen Kent aka Kara Zor-El of Earth-Two, a recent transplant to a new dimension woke up to the smell of coffee like she did every morning and, like every morning she groped for her cup.

“Helena was my coffee, you can't wake up without coffee…ah their cup, down the tube goes the coffee…. bitter, bitter, bitter where are my six sugars?...is ths payback for calling you a goodie good? ” I mumble before I open my eyes. 

I am expecting to see the green eyes of my best friend… instead, I see a younger version of Mama and Papa in front of me. I notice I do not have my powers… I look down and see a device on my wrist and given the coffee has not hit my brain, yet I just blankly stare at it…Papa takes the coffee cup from my hand.

“It’s a power blocker,” Papa says as he pores her another cup…and adds the six Kane sugars just how I like my coffee and stirs the liquid ambrosia that is coffee as Mama makes a phone call. Papa then hands her the fresh cup…not their normal coffee they get from Uncle Bruce it’s still good stuff.

“So, Mama, Papa were you guys hit with a de-aging ray?” I ask and I am hoping that I am waking up from a nightmare, that the war with Darkseid never happened. Papa had was taking a drink from his own coffee cup and does a spit take as Mama dops her phone in shock.

“Papa!!!!!” Papa clams as he coughs.

“Honey I am… I am thirty, your what seventeen, I did not have you when I was thirteen, I was still a virgin at thirteen,” Mama yells… This is the first time I have ever seen Mama blush. Mama picks up her pink smartphone case.

“Ya Selina one of the two are awake…finish up this round and get your ass down here with your husband…” Lois says in a manner of fact fashion.

“I’ll tell you what has my panties in a wad I just got called mama…no not by Clark as did Bruce fuck your brain out of you get your ass down here now, I did not need to know your ass is impaled on a…what he is that big…never mind I do not want to know just finish up and get down here,” Mama yells into her phone before hanging up. 

“I take it you weren't hit by a de-aging ray and this is not a dream?” I ask with a frown as my shoulders sag in disappointment.

“Sorry no we were not hit by a de-aging ray and this is not a dream, are you hungry, we can order up something well we wait for our friends. I take it you know who I am…how old are you…not actual age physical age, because there is no way your twenty-one.” Papa says with a smile, his midwestern manners kicking in.

“You’re the guy who dresses in the red and blue, with hope on his chest. I could eat, are we going to wake Helena? Oh, and I am seventeen years old.” I ask with a small sheepish grin of course papa would figure it out…but it should not have been this fast.

“Clark only figured out you were not seventeen because Bruce figured it out, and he figured it out because he is Batman…” Mama explains to me. Of course, Uncle, Bruce would figure this out that fast…what is uncle Bruce doing in Vegas I thought he was allergic to any form of fun other than sex with Aunt Selina.

To be continued…

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. As a tribute to B:TAS I decided to make Catwoman the same height she is in that show.
> 
> 2.to me Selina Kyle MUST ALWAYS HAVE GREEN EYES.
> 
> 3: I ship WingOBG and decided to make Babs a year younger then she actually is in the series as she would be 18 at this time.
> 
> PS: rereading my own work and noticed some errors I must say I like how easy it is to go back and edit things here.


End file.
